Hazzbro and the Future of G.I. JOE

Cobra Cabana met with Hasbro regarding the company's 4th quarter 2009 earnings call, and this transcript provides some vaguely interesting information on G.I. Joe. Hazzbro talked to Ryan Goldsmear a CEO of Hasbro, who mentions that G.I. Joe 2 might premiere in in the next ten years, as well as some information about toy pricing and new animation.

Hazzbro: What can you tell us about last year's biznass?

Ryan Goldsmear: The total brand performance of Transformers, G.I. Joe, and Nerf delivered double digit growth in 2009 across multiple product categories. G.I. Joe recorded revenue in excess of $125 million and Nerf continued its growth, increasing 25% driven by continued growth in the US and the expansion of the brand internationally, thanks in part to Wal-Mart taking over the world.

We are working on more subpar Transformers animation and would certainly see some Transformers both the opportunity for the classic Transformers as well as some new Transformers episodes to get out some time this year. I will tell you we’re also working on G.I. Joe the second movie and looking at animation whether that’s for late ’10 or ’11, we’ll make some decisions on that at the last minute, like we did with that Resolute project. Transformers 3 as a motion picture, we’re well underway and working on a script, which the last movie didn't have, working with Michael Bay and Paramount to get us nude photos of Megan Fox.

Hazzbro: Yeah, that's coo'. Can you give us da split of innernational versus US for Transformers and G.I. Joe? With Transformers how it compared to ’07?

Ryan Goldsmear: Geez, that's technical. I don’t know that I have those splits in front of me but typically our product lines are about 60/60 domestic to international. Transformers are probably right along those lines. G.I. Joe a little more weighted towards the US probably 50/30, although the box office was more even.

Hazzbro: For real? Hey, 411 on appetite for G.I. Joe in the innernational markets given the success in the box office?

Ryan Goldsmear:
I think one of the many big mistakes we made on G.I. Joe was really just in the price point. It really had less to do with the collector nerds' enjoyment of property. In fact if you look at the DVD sales they were quite strong and property performed really well considering how terrible the film was. At the lower price points G.I. Joe has performed very well, because most of its collectors are cheapskates, in fact we shipped G.I. Joe product that was total junk in the fourth quarter and feel very good about that, we did some research with consumers and see great consumer appetite for the brand, especially among Red Staters.

We’ve begun to work on the second film, which means we told the studio "Hey, get to work on that!" and then we made spitwads with $100 bills and shot them at each other. For us it was more a matter of probably ignoring what anyone wanted and just doing whatever sounds neat to us. I hope audiences like mechanical dragons and teenage sidekicks. I know I do.

Hazzbro: Wow, this has been very informative.

Ryan Goldsmear: Thank-you. By the way, security will be here in five minutes to escort you out. And please, put that ashtray back.

Skank Vipers or Ho-Serpents?

I suppose we can thank G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra for making G.I. JOE mainstream enough that sexy female Cobra Commander costumes are being made.
















































It might be a generic Cobra agent costume, but it has classic Cobra Commander elements, especially the hat. There's no official word yet on that though, and when there is you can bet Cobra Cabana won't post an update, because, you know, we are totally lazy.

Hazzbro Q&A 2010 Round 1

Once again for the first time, Cobra Cabana has gone right to the source and asked Hazzbro* what's the scoop on G.I. JOE. As per request, we are only granted 3 questions.

Q1: So are there are ROC toys that underperformed? Ones that kids didn't like and you wish you'd never made?

A1: Kids didn't like Cover Girl and Baroness. Also, Breaker was an underperformer, we see now why Larry Hama killed him off, Hasbro is effectively doing the same by not releasing him again and destroying his existing molds. So Hasbro will never make figures of them again.

Q2: Never again?

A2: Never.

Q3: Really?

A3: YES. That's 3 questions, see you in 3 months with more let downs. Hahahahaha.

*Hazzbro in no way represents and known, living toy company or toy industry employee.

Then and No

Images of mock-up versions of Then and Now 2-packs have surfaced. These contain vintage style o-ring mold GI JOE figures alongside their current Rise of Cobra figure counterparts.

http://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-joe-news-rumors/63853-2010-past-present-sets-hand-pics-mock-ups-test-shots.html


If that's the final product, then it's pretty uninspired. No swapped parts (that Roadblock v2 waist NEVER looked good on Snake-Eyes V1) or recast ones (allegedly the Target exclusive set's Snow Job was all new tooling) or even painted rivets. No troop builders, because Hasbro isn't interested in making money. They did not even recolor the Rise of Cobra figures to trick "modern style" collectors into buying these packs. Probably the highlight is the chromed comic pack Destro head, if anyone was wanting one. Oh, and Duke may have his original M-32 Pulverizer gun, which first came with Stalker.

I'm starting to think like some Star Wars fans, that Hasbro answers fan requests it doesn't like by making mediocre or sub par products. "THERE, WE DID IT! NOW SHUT-UP! TAKE YOUR STUPID SARLACC TOY AND HAVE SEX WITH IT, NERD!"

Five Fabulous Fantasy Fortresses

It's time for another "random list of geek appealing stuff", the staple of internet blogs (as opposed to non-internet blogs?).

Mattel's Masters of the Universe had the most well known 1980's fantasy toy playsets, but here's a few many might not be familiar with.

MONSTER CASTLE
















From the Galaxy Warriors line of Master of the Universe knock-offs, came this obscure playset. It features a giant hand that grabs any warrior dumb enough to walk too close to a giant creepy hand.





















CASTLE ZENDO













In the mid-1980's, Arco made a series of fantasy-themed bendable toys called "The Other World", sadly Linda Dano was not made into a figure...oh, that's "Another World". Anyway, the story was typical blond hunk and friend battling evil monster leader and his henchmen over some mystical things called "Pir Ankus". The one playset in the line was Castle Zendo, it was cheap-looking and probably junk, as The Other World line was at best a poor man's MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (I think Arco may have been owned by Mattel!), though in 3 3/4" scale instead of He-Man's 5" scale. My brother talked me out of getting Castle Zendo a few times, which is probably a good thing. The castle appears to be a plastic facade with two floors, a "draw bridge" and a vinyl playmat. Nary even a trap door floor, nor a dungeon cell in sight! No figures were included, which for a first rate toy series wouldn't be surprising, but for this toy line that included nonposeable midget warriors (The orange Jips were good, purple Mogs were bad) with almost every set, it felt even more like a rip-off.


CRYSTAL CASTLE

The Crystal Castle has some "street cred" since Remco's Crystar action figure line actually had a short lived Marvel comic book series. I really wanted this fortress back in the day, but never got it. I lucked out, it seems, because while the castle is prized today by collectors, part of the reason for it's after market value is due to the cheap materials Remco used to make it. It's said that the castle itself was blister-card quality plastic, and other parts were cardboard. Having owned some Remco Sgt. Rock toys, I believe that to be true.

GIANT CASTLE PLAYSET













Here you can see a helmet-haired giant playing with a castle. Knights are just ants to him, to be tortured at his juvenile whim! The horror...the horror.

DFC (Dimensions for Children), makers of "Dragonriders of the Styx" and other cheap-ass toys, produced this cardboard castle in the early 1980's. The box claims its "scaled for all figures 2" to 5" tall". As the box shows, it was really made for 2" army men sized toys. He-Man could effortlessly jump over those castle walls. The play set includes over 250 fantasy figures, aka those unposeable Dragonriders of the Styx 2" figures. This make the Giant Castle essentially another one of those playsets, but without the cool pulp artwork that makes those cheapo sets so appealing to fantasy nerds.

What did this set even cost to make? 3 cents? Seriously, how fun was it to have a castle that could ruined by a glass of water? Cardboard ain't cool. It makes Castle Grayskull look like the god damned Biltmore Mansion. Though Castle Grayskull had some cardboard deco pieces with it...so even Mattel cheaped out some.


THE ICE CASTLE

















From Galoob's Black Star series comes the Ice Castle, the lair of main villain...uh...Overlord of the Underworld, or was it Underlord of the Overworld or Underoos of the Lordworld? Like the Crystal Castle, it was said to be made of shoddy material, a material cheaper than ice. It would've been kinder to kids to include ice tray molds to make their own ice castle. At least Galoob followed the trend of using box artwork that's 10 times cooler than the actual contents.


Funny thing about Black Star toys, they sucked. And they were made well after the cartoon aired (lasted for a mere 13 episodes), so Galoob could have a line of steroid-abuser looking fantasy weirdos to compete with Mattel's Masters of the Universe. After the first series of toys, the figures included a built-in sparking "laser light" feature, which when properly abused could start forest fires. This might have resulted in a massive recall of product if anyone had actually bought the toys to begin with.

The Karate Kopy-Kats

Did you know that Hasbro's G.I. JOE wasn't the first toy line with a dedicated 3 3/4" Ninja series?

Classic copycat toy makers Remco actually got there first in the 1980's with THE NINJA STRIKE FORCE.


















I actually owned Dragon Spirit, the one in orange armor, and oh-so-cleverly-named NINJA, who for some reason had a small black shield. Despite their resemblance to Remco figures from knock-off lines like American Defense and US Forces, the body molds were different. The figures had small levers on their backs that moved their right arms for actionized (Izzat even a word?) "U Control Action". The downside was their construction different from standard Remco US Forces/American Defense figures. The had no back screws and instead of rubber o-rings with metals t-hooks they used a metal ball joint piece for the hip, which quickly became loose, meaning these figures lost the ability to stand up. Dragon Spirit became "draggin' ass on floor".

It's worth noting that the series included the obligatory 80's GUY WITH A BEARD character, this one known as Karate Master...I think "Schmuck Norris" is a better name.

The Goal Line Is In Sight

GIJOECLUB.COM had released new pictures of its 2010 membership figures, the 12" Adventure Team Urban Adventurer and 3 3/4" "Classic" Big Lob. http://gijoeclub.com/clubexclusives10.cfm

What is a pale, blond white guy doing in city wearing nothing but a muscle short and shorts? Looking for a meth hit?

You might be thinking "Big Lob looks a lot like a bunch of random parts thrown together and painted to look like a character that the parts otherwise don't look like." This is 110% correct. But why? It is because a proper Big Lob figure would end fandom as we know it. See, he's is what everyone has been waiting for since 1987. Collectors have been killing time waiting for any release of the most beloved character from the 1980's G.I. JOE: Special Mission Force Delta Sigma Six America's Elite or whatever it's called. If Hasbro or the Collector's Club released the perfect Big Lob, fans would be done. Their collections would be complete and Hasbro would have to rely solely on kids being into G.I. JOE, which means the toy line would be dead within a year.